Still early..

Well, today makes day 3 in the hospital.

 It has not been as easy as the other trips here. I guess for starters we weren't really prepared for what happened; I mean we had no idea she had an infection until we got here to the ER.  I only knew she had a sky high fever (which after being here in PICU, I was told by our favorite tech. that when it gets that high we have to be careful as children tend to have seizures... Nice thought huh?)  But alas, the first night here we were fighting a fever, which thankfully broke around 11 pm. She spent all day Saturday though still sleeping, waking to barely nurse before passing back out again. :(   I hate to see my baby like that; I hate it whenever any of my children are so sick they just want to lie down and sleep it off and you can visually see how miserable they are.  There eyes don't reflect who they are or anything.  Well that was Willow ALL day yesterday, and as I said I hated it.

Yet, we made it through, and went to bed early (I was asleep before the 11o'clock news!) So now a new day is upon us.  The doctors have already made their rounds, and assured us that she is doing well.  She had a CT scan done yesterday and the results of that show that her ventricles are significantly smaller than previous scans!  I do not know by how much, but that does not matter, it means the shunt was working before the infection, so at least we have a plan once she feels better again!  We will be here in the Ped's ICU until we can clear up the infection, so the plan is first to get a culture to come back that is clean of infection, and then that starts day 1.  Count to 10 (though this morning some said 14 - so I guess we will see how long it will last) and then after that 10-14 days we can put a new shunt back in! Where I do not know since she already has so many places on her head used up, but I am sure the neuro-surgeon knows what he is doing.

I am more than slightly frustrated this time around. I really thought we were doing well and things were going to be okay.  So much so that I began to make plans!  I do not want to have to live my life not making plans for fear that well if I make plans we may have to change them for the "what if"  but for me today that is what it seems like I will have to do.  I am frustrated as we were supposed to be having a going away party for my sister in law who moves  to Arizona by the end of the week, we were going to have a blast with the fireworks, etc.  You know normal holiday weekend plans, and instead I am not.  In fact we requested a room on the side of the river so that we could at least watch the fireworks here as a family, and we did get that room for a day.... Yesterday after dinner we got moved to the other side of the building, now I see the south side of downtown (I am facing GRCC) so we will not be able to see the fireworks from this room.  Now what do we do?!

We also have to work out sitters for the kids at home while Jon is working and for Willow here at the hospital while I am working because the kids won't sit here for 3 hours while I am at work for Jon to be here... Hospital stays and summer vacation just do not go together very well.  Yet, while I am sitting here in my self pity (because I am, sorry)  I know that there are things out there bigger than what we are dealing with, after all there is a 4 month old baby from Ludington who is still missing!  (http://www.wzzm13.com/news/article/170700/280/Authorities-Missing-babys-clothing-found)
 And many other things, but right now, this is big for us, this is our "upsetting our world" story.

I guess I just ask that all the prayers, healing energy, and well wishing thoughts that you may have be sent partially in our direction as well please.  We could use the help.  

Comments

Chel said…
I struggled with similar thoughts when Jace was in NICU. You're right,there ARE many families going through worse. And yet your situation is awful too. Grieve and be grateful. Be mad and relieved. It's okay to be overcome with the contradictions. And the rest of us will keep praying.

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